#470 Why you need an emergency toolkit for resilience and 3 simple tools to stay grounded in unexpected challenges, with Arlene Miller.

How can you create your own emergency toolkit for maintaining calm and balance in the face of life's unexpected challenges?

This episode dives into the transformative power of simple practices like breathwork, gratitude, and grounding to help you stay composed during moments of stress. Learn how these tools, when practiced consistently, can help you remain centered and resilient, even in high-pressure situations.

1. Discover how to develop a personalized "emergency toolkit" to quickly regain your calm during unexpected disruptions.
2. Learn how daily meditation and mindfulness practices can enhance your emotional resilience and bring balance to your life.
3. Understand why kindness, patience, and tolerance toward yourself are crucial for personal growth and sustained transformation.

Listen to this episode now to learn practical and actionable tools that can help you stay grounded, calm, and resilient in any situation.

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𝗞𝗘𝗬 𝗣𝗢𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗦 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗠𝗣𝗦

01:30 - From Law to Coaching: Arlene's Journey

05:31 - Discovering Meditation and Its Transformative Power

09:55 - The Concept of an Emergency Toolkit for Inner Peace

14:20 - Top Three Tools for Staying Calm and Centered

20:12 - The Importance of Practice and Patience in Personal Growth

24:09 - Kindness, Patience, and Tolerance: The Keys to Transformation

27:07 - Reflections on Impatience and the Practice of Gratitude

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𝗠𝗘𝗠𝗢𝗥𝗔𝗕𝗟𝗘 𝗤𝗨𝗢𝗧𝗘

"Follow your heart. I know your parents are going to have a hissy fit - they will adjust."

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𝗩𝗔𝗟𝗨𝗔𝗕𝗟𝗘 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗥𝗖𝗘𝗦

Arlene's website: https://jewelconsultancy.com/

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Want to be a guest on Personal Development Mastery?

Send Agi Keramidas a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/personaldevelopmentmastery

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Personal development inspiration, insights, and actions to implement for living with purpose.

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Transcript

Agi Keramidas: 0:00

In this episode, 470 you will discover how to create your own emergency toolkit for emotional resilience so that you can maintain calm and balance in the face of life's unexpected challenges. Welcome to personal development mastery, the podcast that helps intelligent, busy professionals develop self mastery and discover their calling so you can thrive in a fulfilling, purposeful life. I'm your host, Agi Keramidas, by listening to this episode, you are going to discover how to develop a personalized emergency toolkit to quickly regain your calm during unexpected situations, when life throws things at us, how do we remain calm? I believe you will find the topic and the actions that you can take as a result of listening, very useful, very valuable. Before we get started, I have a quick favor to ask, if you like this podcast, can you think of someone else you know who might find it useful and share it with them? Not only will this help the podcast grow, but you will also be adding value to people you care about. Thank you. Now, let's get started today. It is my real pleasure to speak with Arlene Cohen Miller. Arlene, you are a dedicated work life balance coach and also an attorney and a certified meditation facilitator. You are dedicated to empowering people to release what holds them back, and you are passionate about helping women achieve work life, harmony and more joy, balance and fulfillment in their lives. Arlene, I'm delighted to have you on the podcast today. Welcome,

Arlene Miller: 2:02

and I am delighted to be here. Thank you. There

Agi Keramidas: 2:06

are quite a few things, actually, that I'm looking forward to exploring with you today, one of them being what you talk about, creating an emergency toolkit for maintaining inner peace when you know things happen that destabilizes. And I think that is very useful, and I'm looking forward to go into that before we go there, I would like to hear a bit about your in particular from your story the transition from law to coaching. So how did that begin? What inspired that shift? It was it was over

Arlene Miller: 2:45

a period of time I just had this inspiration when I was about 15 that I wanted to be an attorney, when my family had been an attorney before, they really didn't take me seriously for quite a while, but my parents really supported me, and so I did go to law school, and I've owned two law firms. One is a solo practitioner in the Midwest, in the United States, and one is a partner in a small boutique law firm in Colorado, where I now live. And so I was been I've been a family lawyer for divorce and dissolution and child custody, and I've been appointed by the court to represent kids, which was really tough as a young woman, and I switched over after about 12 years, that because I really didn't have the skills and tools that I have now to deal with that kind of conflict and turbulence in people's lives, that wasn't how I was raised, and I didn't really Know how to energetically protect myself and to to maintain my myself as a person, without getting mowed over by what everyone was going through. And so after that, I became a commercial attorney, and we helped businesses to collect their debts. So we were dealing with with a lot of businesses that were in distress, to get get them to pay the our clients. And I just got about three years before we sold the business. The second business, I just got inspired that I wanted to become a coach. So I got a diploma in coaching and mentoring, and I got a diploma in transformational holistic counseling. I became certified as a meditation facilitator, and my initial goal was I was doing a lot of negotiation, I was doing a lot of communicating, I was marketing for the law firm, and I just felt okay, this is going to help me be a better parent, a better employer, a better marketer. Just do everything that I do much better. And it did. It really did. And I I loved it, but I had been an attorney for so long, and there's a lot of stress with the law. And coaching was just you have a lot more freedom. You're helping people, you're helping them to transform their lives, but you get a lot more freedom. Where, with if law, if you go somewhere, you're never you're never away from it. You know, you always have things that are going on because. You're it just never goes away with your clients and stuff like that. And coaching is you're helping people, but you can schedule it as well. And I was just ready for a change. You know, I love helping people. I love being of service, but I've been an attorney for many, many years with grandmother, and I just was like, I need a change. And I made one.

Agi Keramidas: 5:21

There are different kinds of of service. Indeed. Yeah, Alin, you mentioned the meditation. And since you are a meditation facilitator, tell us one of the main things that you've gained as Arlene from practicing and teaching, but practicing in particular meditation all this, yeah,

Arlene Miller: 5:45

well, I as an attorney. I started off as a really left brain, very thinking, anxious, hyper person, and I didn't know anyone that meditated. If I was going to go out in nature, I was like running as fast as I possibly could to get all rid of that energy. And I had one of my clients, became one of my dear friends, and she taught and facilitated meditation. And she was, she was an astrologer, but she was also like a metaphysical teacher, and she said, Arlene, and both her and her partner meditated. She said, You've got to try this. Let me, let me teach you some skills. And it really changed my life. You know, just the breath work, even, you know, that kind of walking meditation, just getting out in nature and connecting with Mother Nature, breathing, appreciating the beauty around us. Because at first I couldn't sit still, and I just found that even practicing those simple tools was transforming me as a person, was affecting the people in my life, and I could calm down and do my job, you know, beginning as an attorney and as a mother and as having a partner, life partner, and Everything's so much better, because I wasn't like this little toy all wound up, wound up and not knowing how to how to bring myself back down. And so I'm forever grateful to this friend. And at first I'm like, There's no way I can do this. But she said, Look, just start with some simple breath work. Just start with going outside. I know you love nature. Instead of going for a power walk or a run, just take some time. Take 10 minutes at the beginning. Walk slowly, really breathe and appreciate the planet. Love her and she will love you back. I thought, oh my gosh, she's crazy. But the more I played with it, the more I went, Oh my gosh. I really, really, really feel different. And yeah, though. So that's how I began to get in it, into it, and people noticed. They're like, you're really different. You're not so hyper, wound up, what are you doing? And I would share it with them. And so eventually I became, like, a certified meditation facilitator, you know, to have that credential and go more deeply into that path, I found a woman that, you know, she started meditating, you know, maybe in her late teens, and she had spent years studying it, and she she helped me with the course I took to become much better at it.

Agi Keramidas: 9:03

I would actually ask you with what you just said right now, the very, very last words, because I would like some kind of how you define getting better at it meditation. I mean,

Arlene Miller: 9:15

well, it wasn't like it became something that became more natural for me and I learned, I guess, I think that we teach what we mostly need to learn, oftentimes and by learning different skills and abilities of how I could facilitate meditation for other people and and being inspired because I was seeing actual results in them, I was basically teaching myself to be a better meditator and to and to relax and release and let go and and say goodbye To a lot of that stress. It's not that that never happens again, but I feel like that as we teach what we most need to learn, which it just is part of that emergency toolkit that you wanted me to share with you, we change and we grow and we evolve, and I feel like it actually grounds a lot more into who we are, so that it's just becomes not something that we're doing something that becomes a part of our beingness, because we're practicing it, we're teaching it, and it helps us to really make it more of a reality for us, so that we can help to facilitate it for other people.

Agi Keramidas: 10:24

Thank you. Yes, it's certainly the word that comes to mind is permeates that calmness or that groundness that you can get from meditation. It can permeate your day or your actions. And people might notice, as you said, that now you mentioned the emergency toolkit, and actually that brings. It's been nicely. It has a transition to that because, as we all very well know, it is very different to gain this groundness and calmness when you are either in nature, as you were saying, enjoying a walk and being present and or on your meditation cushion having a nice 30 minute session, or whatever it is that you do, however, and I did say that, yes, it permeates the day. However, there can be situations in our life, and we've all been through that, that something unexpected happens, something that sweeps us out of our field, someone makes a negative comment, we hear some terrible news about a friend or whatever else might be that for that time, It takes that calmness, that crownness, it kind of you do not you utilize that calmness, that crownness. And it is easy to get into a reaction, a very emotional reaction, and go, perhaps into a spiral of emotion or actions. I mean, we've all been through that, and I believe most people know what I'm talking about. So what I find interesting about this concept that you said about the toolkit, is how to actually, when you do get into that sudden negative situation, whatever that might be, how to maintain your, let's say, composure, and your equanimity, because I think that is really what the toolbox is about to be able to, at that point, remain equanimous and not go deep into whatever happened. So please give me your introduction about all this concept and how you teach it, and then it would be great to hear some of the actual tools, so that our listeners, the master seeker, can implement that the next time that something like this happens. And I know this has been a very long question, it's

Arlene Miller: 13:01

a beautiful introduction to it, and I really appreciate it, because when I first heard about having an emergency toolkit, I guess I was like, what does that mean? I don't, I don't get it. But what happens? You're right, well, something will happen. We'll get thrown off our center, we'll get triggered, we'll have a reaction, and we'll go from love to fear. And so one of the one of the things that I've learned through these years with my spiritual journey is that practice makes permanent. So if we have an emergency toolkit in toolkit in place, that we can turn to when we have these kind of moments, when, when we get this text, when something happens, I don't know there's a snowstorm out there, and I don't know if I can gather my driveway to go to the grocery store, whatever it is that's going to set us off. If we have something in place, simple tools that we can practice, that can bring us back to that centered, loving space, and we've been practicing them when we're calm, when we're in that space of love, and when we're really expanded out and we're our best selves, then what can happen is that when we're triggered and all these things happen, we have something right away that we can practice and do and bring it back, because practice makes permanent, and we've been working with that so that when these moments happen, we don't fall into that deep, dark hole of fear or doubt and disbelief and anxiety and overwhelm. We have something to pull ourselves out so we maybe have a little moment of anxiety, and what do I do now and then, we can practice these steps that we've been using all along when we feel good, and though we don't, you know, we don't have to constantly, you know, take three steps forward and two steps back. So some of the things that I put in my emergency toolkit, and I believe that the best way to do this is to keep it really, really simple, because we're going to be in reaction. We're going to be, oh my god, what happened to my calm thing? So the first thing in my emergency toolkit is breath work. And breath work, so is so simple, because if I breathe in through my nose, and I breathe out through my nose, and my out breath is longer than my in breath, that will take me at a fight or flight response, and I can do this anywhere someone can be talking and screaming and jumping up and down, we all have to breathe. We don't even have to make any noise with this. You just simply breathing in, breathing out longer, through the nose, just while whatever is happening. And that will help to bring us back to that calmer place. And a second step that I like to do is I like to like, really feel into something that I'm grateful for. Or we all have something you know that really will make us smell. It could be music, it could be something we've done. It could be a person in our life. And I'm so I'm like breathing in gratitude to my heart chakra, and when I breathe out with my nose, I'm just letting go of any stress in my bodies and feels. I'm letting go of what doesn't work for me. I'm still working with the breath work, but I'm breathing and working more also with like that sacred quality and that ability just to let go. And so that is because I for my emergency toolkit, I recommend that people have three things. You don't want to make it complicated that I have to do 10 things to calm down. You pick the top three things for you, and what might work for you is not going to work for me. So it's really, I'm not going to be there saying you have to do this for your emergency toolkit. I get people suggestions, and then they can maybe come up with things for themselves. Some people have come up with music that they can sing to themselves. It doesn't really matter. It just helps to bring you back to center for me, the second thing in my tool kit is to be really grounded and fully present. And so I like to tell people, what I do is I pretend that I'm a tree and I feel this beautiful column of white light from my heart chakra down my body, down my legs, out my feet, and these beautiful roots of light, these huge roots of light, go straight into the heart of the planet. So my heart is heart connected with Gaia, the beautiful being that embodies planet Earth, where her children, she loves us unconditionally. There's no conditions on our love. I heart connect with her. I feel her gratitude, her accept, acceptance, her love for me, because I'm serving as that channel between heaven and earth, so that I can let go of stuff and I can gift it to her as usable energy for her, like working with universal Violet Flame. And so I can feel that connection with her, and I go, Oh, I can feel that love. I can now feel the love in my heart. And when we're fully present, it's it's really hard to be in anxious, because if we're focusing on the past, we might feel the remorseful we might be. We're not, we're not fully here. If we're focusing on the future, that's when we go into anxiety. Or maybe we're just not in our bodies because we're thinking about this vacation. But when we're fully present, right here now and grounded really solid in our bodies, it's like we're right there, and it's really hard to push us over. And so that breath work and that grounding and connecting as I ground into guy's heart, I find that that's really transformational for me. And the third thing that I do is I fled myself with the universal Violet Flame. The Universal Violet Flame is the seventh ray of source. It transmutes and transforms fear into love. And so I visualized like I'm in this column of like the violet flame is pouring through my bodies and fields. It's pouring into guy's heart, and I'm just going to let go of anything that doesn't serve me. And if I let go of fear into the violet flame, it's going to be transmuted and transformed into love as usable energy for the planet I just gifted to her. And so I'm being of service in that moment. She can certainly use our love, because all the judgment on that this planet is like heavy weights on her shoulder, in addition to, you know, doing things like, you know, all the oil we take out, which is her bile. So it's not easy to have these human beings on her planet for her and so those are three things in my emergency toolkit. I mean, there's other things I could give you that people do. Some people like to cut energetic cords that aren't about love. So they'll just visualize that there's this column of light coming down, any energetic connections from any person, place or thing, that are not about love. We're cutting those. We're healing where those were with golden healing light, so that anything that I'm connected with because I'm all of a sudden in anxiety. You know, if I go to anxiety because it's a blizzard out there and I'm worried that I'm going to slip and slide, if I need to go to the grocery store, I can all of a sudden connect in with everyone in this area who's afraid to drive in this weather, and so that compounds me. And if I cut those cords, they're not fair anymore, you know. So those are like, I mean, I'll tell you, I told you my top three. And then there's another one with cutting and those energetic connections, I mean, there's more things I could share with you that people could select, but I just find that I love to practice my emergency toolkit, like I said, when I feel and then, then it just naturally happens if, if someone presses my button, or I look outside and go, Oh my god,

Agi Keramidas: 20:27

lizard out there,

Arlene Miller: 20:30

which it is,

Agi Keramidas: 20:35

if you enjoy this episode, can you think of one person that would find it useful and share it with them? I'd really appreciate it, and you will also be adding value to people you care about. And now let's get back to the episode. Thank you. This is very useful, and I appreciate very much the simplicity of those tools, breath work and focusing on the breath or exhaling for longer than the inhalation or breathe, as you said, think of something we're grateful for, and breathe the gratitude through our heart chakra. Or you mentioned the being grounded, or feeling the like a tree, you know, with the feet going into Earth. I All these are wonderful, very simple, very practical. That element of visualization you were saying about the violet flame, also, I think it is something you can add while you are grounding and slowing down your breath. For me, what was the most important out of all that. And the foundation is what you said in the beginning about practice makes permanent and to practice all those things when we're calm, because, and I realized that in the way that I was asking you the question, it was more focused on. So what do you do at that time when you know, but unfortunately, if you have not prepared when that kind of time comes, you will go into the the fear response and whatever it it probably would not be the the situation that we were talking about. So I appreciate very much this answer and the practicing it on a daily basis. Or you know, when will come. As you said, Is there anything else Arling, you would know without going into more tools, but with those that you said, Is there anything else about this whole practice you would like to share with the listener, maybe, so that they can help them to, let's say, establish the habit of practicing it. Yeah, from tomorrow morning,

Arlene Miller: 23:01

yeah. So I guess the one thing I want to share with people, well, there's two things. First of all, if we if we're learning something new, we're going to make mistakes. So instead of beating ourselves up, let's say that we practice these tools, and then we have something that presses our buttons and we get and we don't do it perfectly. You know, we still have that anxiety. We're not so what I would share with you is mistakes or opportunities to learn and grow. They're not something to beat ourselves up with. So if we make a mistake or and we don't really feel and apply this, you know, 100% perfectly, yes, what we can do is step back and go, Okay, what happens here? What can I learn from this experience? How can I do it differently next time, and then maybe visualize and feel the next time this happens, what will that look like? What will that feel like? So we're not we're not going to do this perfectly the first time. It's not like magic theory does comes down, and we practice this a few times, and we've got it, and even if we practice it for years, there could be a moment that it's just it's such a big trigger that it takes us a while to get back to that harmonious center, and but we can learn from all those mistakes. A lot of the learning on this planet is negative learning, and that's okay. That's just the way it is here. And so what we can do is learn from that, visualize it, really feel it. And, you know, pet us our pat ourselves on the back. Good job. You made this mistake an opportunity to learn and grow. I really feel and visualize how I can do this differently. We can apply this everywhere in our life. And so when, when this happens again, I have this tool and I can do it. I'll do it better next time that'll be more like me. Next time

Agi Keramidas: 24:44

that's great. Also that's very important to and I can also speak with personal experience that this, it is a process. It is you use the word practice, and I don't think that's a coincidence. It is practicing, and practicing implies that it is a journey. It is ongoing, and you know, without a specific destination, that that's how I look at it. Now that you say that it's not like that you will arrive, or maybe you will, but probably not arrive to that stage, that this will all not be anyway. What I was trying to say is irrelevant.

Arlene Miller: 25:33

You know what? There's so much out there now that people are so impatient, like with how fast things happen on the internet, especially, they expect magic, fairy dust. They do things once, and it's perfect. Otherwise you have to quit it. And I'm like, no. That's not what my generation and started with, and it just sets people up for horrible failure to expect they have expectations of yourself, which is judgment, that if I don't get it right right away, that there's something wrong with me, or there's something wrong with the way that it's taught. I mean, it applies to every area of our life. When I was younger, I ran like, some half marathons and 10 Ks, and if I just started and I'd only walked around the block a few times and then ran it, you think I could have done that, especially in Colorado, well, I'm up at altitude. That took a lot of practice in order to be able to do those things. And so you have to have the mindset that practice makes permanent, and that is, there's no such thing as magic theory does if I want to make these changes in my life so that I feel different when these triggers happen, we have to be. We have to be that's the other point I wanted to make. We need to be kind and patient and tolerant with ourselves as we're learning these new skills and abilities, because it's not like we already know them, unless we started, unless our parents taught them, you know, as we were growing up, especially if we're learning as an adult, it's going to take some time for it to really sink in and be a part of who we are. So kindness, patience and tolerance are key, because when we're impatient, it pushes away from us what we want to manifest. If we're not kind, we're beating ourselves up and telling ourselves how bad we are when we're trying, when we're choosing to learn something new. And that tolerance is just it's a beautiful Trinity, kindness, patience and tolerance. For me, it's like a triangle kindness, patience and tolerance and and it comes together to really create something in our lives that can really settle in our systems, if we just give ourselves a break and don't expect things to happen immediately.

Agi Keramidas: 27:40

So a link so much condensed wisdom in these sentences you said the last few minutes was taking notes, but I will say a couple, from my own point of view, that resonated. One was what you said about impatience, that it pushes away actually what you want to manifest, because it is indeed, when you think about it, it is the opposite frequency, rather than appreciating what you have achieved, you are impression about the other bit that you haven't achieved yet. So that was one thing. And of course, what you said about the tolerance and the patience, the kindness, that's also, I think, very something for one to ponder on and realize what this trinity, as you said, altogether mean to them and how it perhaps expresses itself in their life. This is wonderful. Alin, thank you. This has been a really insightful conversation. So I thank you very much. I do have some final questions, quick questions, and before I wrap up, before we go there, where do you want to direct the listener who has enjoyed this conversation and wants to connect with you and find out more?

Arlene Miller: 29:04

Right? Well, if you're in the US or Canada, you can always text me. That's the quickest way to get a hold of me. At 720-936-2634, my website is Jewel like the diamond, J, E, W, E, L, consultancy.com and there's a blog. There's lots of videos, some videos on there on how to be calm and how to have certain leadership skills. Those are all free, and in the end, whatever I offer, and then the coaching and mentoring, I also do soul readings. And so that's all there for you. If you do an internet search with Arlene Cohen Miller, my name's right up there. I see you'll find me. There's a lot of Arlene Millers. There's no Arlene Cohen Millers I've ever found. So if you look me up, you'll find LinkedIn and all the different Instagram all the places you know on the internet that I'm there. So thank you for asking me about that, and I look forward to anyone who wants to connect me connect with me,

Agi Keramidas: 30:01

definitely. Thank you. And Alin, two final quick questions, and the first one is, what does personal development mean to you?

Arlene Miller: 30:13

Personal development? I don't know. I don't, I don't. I guess I use personal development is just choosing to take one step forward at a time and whatever interests us to like, raise our vibration and be more of our highest, clearest, brightest self, so that we can be of service to the planet. I mean, my goal is, I'm always asking myself, What would love do now? How may I best serve and if I'm developing myself personally, which for me, is more spiritual as well, and I'm taking those one steps for. At a time and taking courses or interacting with people or connecting with like minded people in groups, then I'm going to be learning and evolving and growing and being able to be of greater service. And that's just what like. What makes my heart sing?

Agi Keramidas: 31:02

That's a great answer. Thank you. And a hypothetical question, if you could go back in time and meet your 18 year old self, what's one piece of advice you would give her

Arlene Miller: 31:13

man? Skip all the party years. Skip all the hormonal stuff of chasing after men. Listen to your heart. I think one thing that I didn't do when I was there, I had graduated from college, and I had this really strong intuition to take, like, a year, travel through Europe, wait some tables, do anything. And I think that would have been a really great experience. So I would have told my 18 year old self, follow your heart. I know your parents are going to have a hissy fit. They will adjust and give yourself that gift. And then you know you've already gotten into law school, you can defer it for a year. That's what I would have told my 18 year old self. She didn't have the courage back then, but now we can give it to her.

Agi Keramidas: 31:54

It reminds me of my 18 year old self. So that's great advice. I want to thank you very much for this. As I said, insightful conversation, and I really enjoyed it. I believe there were some many things for someone to pick from what resonated within them. I want to wish you very best, all the very best with continuing your mission as you are, I will leave it to you for your parting words or some actionable wisdom for the listeners. It's up to you.

Arlene Miller: 32:31

Yeah, well, since I've already shared about kindness, patience and tolerance, I will share a quote that I love to live my life by. I think it's from Winston Churchill, but I'm not sure, and it's any disaster can become a blessing. Any blessing can become a disaster, but there's always a better way. So even if we have a horrible disaster in life, someone we love dies, there's always some way we can turn it into a blessing. Maybe it's a foundation or something that we create in the world that would honor their what they brought to the planet. And the disaster to a blessing it's just like be mindful, be grateful for what you have. You know, don't squander away what you have. You've heard people that have won the lottery and then it's gone within a year. There's ways that, if we're if we're focusing on negativity, if we're exposing, focusing on judgment and expectations, all the beautiful things we have in our life that can go down the drain, and there's always a better way is that, that we're always evolving and growing, hopefully. So something that really works for me today, if I revisit it in a year, and I'm more expanded and bigger harp open, there's going to be a different way that it's going to come into my heart that I can share with other people. It's going to feel different. So that's just one way of affirming that we can always be evolving and growing, and just because something was a certain way two years ago, we can revisit it, and it's going to be a whole different way that's even better in the future.

Agi Keramidas: 34:04

I hope you found this episode enlightening. If you want to continue the journey further, join us in our free community, mastery seekers tribe. It is a space to move from inspiration to implementation, from knowledge to action. If you're not already a member, you are invited go to mastery seekerstribe.com and until next time, stand out. Don't fit in..